It's pretty scary to wake up at 5 o'clock in the morning and realize that you're going to get into the ocean off Montauk Point in prime Great White Shark habitat and know that It's just gonna be you all alone out there part of the food chain and all your fears swimming with you and your brain wondering if you deserve to be hurt or punished or killed and if so, is today the day?

So here's what you do: You tell yourself you have to let go of everything and be vulnerable and just swim and pray to your Gods and ask for something to keep you alive out there. And then hope.

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Listen Rowan and Celilo my amazing girls I don't have much time and I'm about to get into the water but here's what I need you to know.

No matter what happens to me I LOVE YOU.

I tried like crazy to be with you and spend as much time as I could with you and things didn't always work out with your mom and me to make that happen she's a good mom and she cares about you and she loves you and she wants to protect you and what you need to know is so do I.

If I'm dead and you're seeing this then I need you to know that it's gonna be OK someday I will be with you always and I believed in what I was doing and I loved the water more than anything except you two and I died doing what I loved doing. It's OK it's really OK.

Oh my daughters I love you I will always be with you remember what I told you when you were tiny you can find me in the water you can find me in the rain you can find me in every river lake and stream where I ever spilled my sweat my blood my light all the way down to the ocean.

Burn bright sweet girls.

I love you.

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